Wow! a lot has happened since the last time I wrote on my blog. It is crazy to think of how much Papa has done for us in the last three months. It also shames me to think of how much I have thrown in his face in the past month. What happened?
Some of you that know me and read this blog know that my family and I recently moved back to Sarasota, FL (home of the newly ranked #1 beach in America). When it was time for the move Papa opened up some amazing doors for us to walk through. He promised me a job within the first week of moving back, and BAM!! it happened. He promised us an apartment, BAM again. He even showed up on the financial side to make the move and everything else possible, BAM!!! So, what happened in the last month that has made me a pain in the butt?
I stopped “needing” Him. I realize that I will always need Papa, but I wasn’t having to depend on Him for every little thing like before. Before we couldn’t pay our rent unless He showed up in a big way. And, yes he always did. Somehow, I managed to completely seperate myself from the one person who made everything that I have possible. I wasn’t desperate for a move of God. I wasn’t needing his provision as much because I have a job and a nice apartment.
I’m currently reading thru Pete Wilson’s book Plan B and it’s humorous to me to think that not too long ago I was looking at what Plan B was for my family. Now that Papa has opened the doors to Plan B, I am trying to close them in His face by trying to negotiate and traverse Plan B on my own. I have to stop or I’ll be facing another Plan B(which if you count how many times that I’ve uprooted my family for what I thought was a change in God’s will, we would probably be on Plan J by now).
What I have realized is that I am not truely happy without Papa at the Center of everything. Yes, I have a great job and a very nice apartment. But, my marriage is struggling right now, my finances aren’t any better than when I made no money, and my attitude stinks most of the time.
I need intimacy with my Savior. No one stole that from me. Papa didn’t just stop being close to me. It was my fault. I am the one who pulled away. I am taking responsiblity for my actions and moving forward.
So…What about you? Do you need to own your actions and make the decision to draw closer to the Lord? Maybe it’s time to act on what you know to be true.