Self-Realization

I don’t know if it’s just me, or maybe there are other almost 30 year olds out there trying to figure themselves out. I feel like I have lost touch with what makes me tick. With what brings me true joy. I keep getting things wrong. It seems like I keep screwing up.

I feel like I need to “fix” myself. I have been trying to come to a point of Self-Realization. To a place where I have everything figured out and I know what is wrong with me. A place where I not only know what is wrong with me, but why, and how to fix it.

But, what if that’s not the point?

Papa doesn’t want a self-realized man. He simply wants me. He wants the broken me. He wants the hurting me. He wants the me that gets mad at his wife sometimes. And the me that sucks at managing his finances.

He wants all of my Crap just the way it is. He wants everything that I have to offer Him. Good or bad. He wants me and all theĀ baggageĀ so that He can use it. He wants to pour me out, all of me. He wants to use my bad for His good. He wants to use my weakness for His strength. He wants to use my ugliness for His beauty. And He wants to use all of me for His Glory.

Devotion to Papa is not about realizing all of your faults and failures and trying to fix them. It’s about laying all of that down and allowing Grace to wash over you. Let Papa change you, you aren’t strong enough to do it on your own.

My name is Jason. I am a sinner, a failure, and a bastard son. A ragamuffin covered by grace and washed by the Blood of the Lamb.